Joke Du Jour

[Ban Em All]

Nice one fuego.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is  
like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never  
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses  
its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how  
you call a dog... "Killer, come here! Now think about how  
you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jezus,  
you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.  

Damn, I am a homo then I guess and I have two cats 

uh oh 

luckly, i dont fit in any of those yayyyyyyy 

[fury]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icXFDb1Nqvk&feature=related

[guit_ar_tist]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icXFDb1Nqvk&feature=related

nice one.... but what was funnier? the plot or the bad acting?

[Ban Em All]

i like the bad acting

[DinG]

i dont fit in anything! haha.. infact i have 2 dogs..

[Dr. Del Fuego]

3 good ones! (I Hope)

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other   
day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights   
we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she   
asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little   
of that magic.   
"Wow!" I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you   
now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw   
me."   
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!   
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a   
waistband that's a few inches wider these days."   
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me,   
saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute.   
"Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself," she giggled.   


So I told her to fuck off.   





Q. How can you tell when a woman is really hot for you?   
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like   
  you're feeding a horse.   



Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly,   
widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to   
enjoy it with.   
Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty   
took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said   
walking up to her, "but in a little while, my father will die   
and I'll inherit 20 million dollars. I would like to have   
someone to share it with. Will you come home with me?"   
The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became   
his stepmother.   

[guit_ar_tist]

Nice ones fuego  

[Ban Em All]

all three are very good, you never fail to make me laugh

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of the two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple first and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor.

The padsor went to the middle-aged couple and asked the same question. The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yes, we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"No pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."

[guit_ar_tist]

"We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."

LOL!!!!

[Dr. Del Fuego]

DATING RITUALS OF THE WORLD

WHITE WOMEN   
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.   
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.   
Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary   
position.   

IRISH WOMEN   
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.   
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.   
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.   

ITALIAN WOMEN   
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.   
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti   
and meatballs.   
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists   
on a 3-carat ring.   
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the   
thought of having sex.   
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.   

JEWISH WOMEN   
First Date: You get dynamite head.   
Second Date: You get more great head.   
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head   
again.   

CHINESE WOMEN   
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing   
happens.   
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing   
happens again.   
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already   
realized nothing is going to happen.   

INDIAN WOMEN   
First date: Meet her parents.   
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.   
Third date: Wedding night.   

BLACK WOMEN   
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.   
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real   
expensive dinner.   
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.   
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.   

MEXICAN WOMEN   
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on   
Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.   
Second Date: She's pregnant.   
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father,   
his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids,   
her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins,   
her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in ... and you   
live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home   
that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio   
Grande.   

The POINT?   

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?   

[guit_ar_tist]

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?  

I would have to agree with that with the these options lol

[Ban Em All]

thats good

[Dr. Del Fuego]

Couple more...
A man and woman were having marital problems so they went   
to see a marriage counselor.   
The counselor, in an attempt to find some common ground   
from which to begin his analysis said, "Tell me about any-   
thing the two of you have in common."   
The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us   
sucks dicks." 


 A monk who's been sheltered all of his life in a monestary   
has to travel to the big city to meet his friend, a Catholic   
nun.   
On the streets of the city, he encounters a prostitute who   
says: "Blowjob? Five dollars?"   
"No, thank you!" the monk says, blushing.   
He moves on to the next street corner and another hooker asks   
him, "Blowjob? Five dollars?"   
He hurriedly rushes down the streets but on each corner   
there's a woman asking if he wants a blowjob. By the time he   
reaches the convent, he's very upset.   
He asks his friend the nun, "Sister, what's a "blowjob?"   
She says, "Five dollars."   

[Ban Em All]

"Sister, what's a "blowjob?"   She says, "Five dollars."   

hahhaaa thats good

[Dr. Del Fuego]

Glad you guys like these jokes. Here's a couple more...

Q: What do a fur trapper and a necrophiliac have in common?
A: They are both looking for dead beaver.

A young couple get married.  As the husband is an avid golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend
more time with him. Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons.
The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls and practice until he was through with his present client.
"But I don't even know how to hold the clubs"  The pro says, "Just hold it like you would your husband's penis."

Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to see the woman driving the ball a fair distance.  He says,
"Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth."

[guit_ar_tist]

Glad you guys like these jokes. Here's a couple more...

Q: What do a fur trapper and a necrophiliac have in common?
A: They are both looking for dead beaver.

A young couple get married.  As the husband is an avid golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend
more time with him. Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons.
The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls and practice until he was through with his present client.
"But I don't even know how to hold the clubs"  The pro says, "Just hold it like you would your husband's penis."

Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to see the woman driving the ball a fair distance.  He says,
"Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth."

HAHA.. keep 'em coming lol

[Ban Em All]

i know its prolly just me, but i didnt get the first one, but the second one was good

[guit_ar_tist]

i know its prolly just me, but i didnt get the first one, but the second one was good

for necrophiliac, dead beaver means "dead pussy"

[Ban Em All]

ohhhhhhh, lol

[guit_ar_tist]

ohhhhhhh, lol

lol... glad you got it now

[Dr. Del Fuego]

2 good ones... 
The two young brothers watched through a keyhole as their
older sister got in on with her boyfriend.
"Oh, Jim," she moaned. "You're about to go where no man has
gone before!"
One brother looked at the other and snickered. "Well then I
guess he's gonna screw her in the ass."
_________________________________________________

When I asked her to the prom, she just looked at me, giggled
and smiled.
When I asked her to dance, she just looked at me, giggled and
smiled.
When I asked her to kiss me, she just looked at me, giggled
and smiled.
When I asked her to make love to me, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
When I asked her to move in with me, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
When I asked for her hand in marriage, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
When I asked her to bear my children, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.

That's when I realized, she was a retard.

[guit_ar_tist]

The first one is good.

Second one is hilarious lol

[Shippo]

nice one fuego

[Glox]

Lmao!!

[Ban Em All]

LOLERS