Author Topic: Joke Du Jour (Read 29810 times)

Ban Em All · « **Reply #50 on:** August 21, 2008, 02:56:22 AM »

Quote from: [KEA] guit_ar_tist [GA] on August 21, 2008, 12:51:38 AM

Nice one fuego.

Quote from: Dr. Del Fuego on August 21, 2008, 12:31:18 AM
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is
like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses
its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how
you call a dog... "Killer, come here! Now think about how
you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jezus,
you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

Damn, I am a homo then I guess and I have two cats

uh oh

luckly, i dont fit in any of those yayyyyyyy

fury · « **Reply #51 on:** August 21, 2008, 07:31:31 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icXFDb1Nqvk&feature=related

guit_ar_tist · « **Reply #52 on:** August 21, 2008, 09:28:34 PM »

Quote from: fury on August 21, 2008, 07:31:31 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icXFDb1Nqvk&feature=related

nice one.... but what was funnier? the plot or the bad acting?

Ban Em All · « **Reply #53 on:** August 21, 2008, 11:38:58 PM »

i like the bad acting

DinG · « **Reply #54 on:** August 22, 2008, 02:03:44 AM »

i dont fit in anything! haha.. infact i have 2 dogs..

Dr. Del Fuego · « **Reply #55 on:** August 25, 2008, 07:36:34 PM »

3 good ones! (I Hope)

I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other
day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights
we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she
asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little
of that magic.
"Wow!" I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you
now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw
me."
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a
waistband that's a few inches wider these days."
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me,
saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute.
"Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself," she giggled.

So I told her to fuck off.

Q. How can you tell when a woman is really hot for you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like
you're feeding a horse.

Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly,
widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to
enjoy it with.
Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty
took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said
walking up to her, "but in a little while, my father will die
and I'll inherit 20 million dollars. I would like to have
someone to share it with. Will you come home with me?"
The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became
his stepmother.

guit_ar_tist · « **Reply #56 on:** August 25, 2008, 11:24:19 PM »

Nice ones fuego

Ban Em All · « **Reply #57 on:** August 25, 2008, 11:26:36 PM »

all three are very good, you never fail to make me laugh

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of the two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple first and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor.

The padsor went to the middle-aged couple and asked the same question. The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yes, we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"No pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."

guit_ar_tist · « **Reply #58 on:** August 26, 2008, 04:51:25 PM »

Quote from: KillEmAll on August 25, 2008, 11:26:36 PM

"We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."

LOL!!!!

Dr. Del Fuego · « **Reply #59 on:** August 27, 2008, 09:27:36 AM »

DATING RITUALS OF THE WORLD

WHITE WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary
position.

IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti
and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists
on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the
thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head
again.

CHINESE WOMEN
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing
happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing
happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already
realized nothing is going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real
expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on
Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father,
his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids,
her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins,
her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in ... and you
live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home
that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio
Grande.

The POINT?

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?

guit_ar_tist · « **Reply #60 on:** August 27, 2008, 12:30:40 PM »

Quote from: Dr. Del Fuego on August 27, 2008, 09:27:36 AM

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?

I would have to agree with that with the these options lol

Ban Em All · « **Reply #61 on:** August 27, 2008, 03:28:17 PM »

thats good

Dr. Del Fuego · « **Reply #62 on:** September 08, 2008, 10:35:12 PM »

Couple more...
A man and woman were having marital problems so they went
to see a marriage counselor.
The counselor, in an attempt to find some common ground
from which to begin his analysis said, "Tell me about any-
thing the two of you have in common."
The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us
sucks dicks."

A monk who's been sheltered all of his life in a monestary
has to travel to the big city to meet his friend, a Catholic
nun.
On the streets of the city, he encounters a prostitute who
says: "Blowjob? Five dollars?"
"No, thank you!" the monk says, blushing.
He moves on to the next street corner and another hooker asks
him, "Blowjob? Five dollars?"
He hurriedly rushes down the streets but on each corner
there's a woman asking if he wants a blowjob. By the time he
reaches the convent, he's very upset.
He asks his friend the nun, "Sister, what's a "blowjob?"
She says, "Five dollars."

Ban Em All · « **Reply #63 on:** September 09, 2008, 04:34:12 PM »

Quote from: Dr. Del Fuego on September 08, 2008, 10:35:12 PM

"Sister, what's a "blowjob?" She says, "Five dollars."

hahhaaa thats good

Dr. Del Fuego · « **Reply #64 on:** September 09, 2008, 07:52:09 PM »

Glad you guys like these jokes. Here's a couple more...

Q: What do a fur trapper and a necrophiliac have in common?
A: They are both looking for dead beaver.

A young couple get married. As the husband is an avid golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend
more time with him. Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons.
The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls and practice until he was through with his present client.
"But I don't even know how to hold the clubs" The pro says, "Just hold it like you would your husband's penis."

Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to see the woman driving the ball a fair distance. He says,
"Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth."

guit_ar_tist · « **Reply #65 on:** September 09, 2008, 10:38:32 PM »

Quote from: Dr. Del Fuego on September 09, 2008, 07:52:09 PM

Glad you guys like these jokes. Here's a couple more...

Q: What do a fur trapper and a necrophiliac have in common?
A: They are both looking for dead beaver.

A young couple get married. As the husband is an avid golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend
more time with him. Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons.
The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls and practice until he was through with his present client.
"But I don't even know how to hold the clubs" The pro says, "Just hold it like you would your husband's penis."

Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to see the woman driving the ball a fair distance. He says,
"Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth."

HAHA.. keep 'em coming lol

Ban Em All · « **Reply #66 on:** September 10, 2008, 05:13:16 PM »

i know its prolly just me, but i didnt get the first one, but the second one was good

guit_ar_tist · « **Reply #67 on:** September 11, 2008, 01:04:23 AM »

Quote from: KillEmAll on September 10, 2008, 05:13:16 PM

i know its prolly just me, but i didnt get the first one, but the second one was good

for necrophiliac, dead beaver means "dead pussy"

Ban Em All · « **Reply #68 on:** September 11, 2008, 03:28:11 PM »

ohhhhhhh, lol

guit_ar_tist · « **Reply #69 on:** September 11, 2008, 04:27:34 PM »

Quote from: KillEmAll on September 11, 2008, 03:28:11 PM

ohhhhhhh, lol

lol... glad you got it now

Dr. Del Fuego · « **Reply #70 on:** September 22, 2008, 07:33:25 PM »

2 good ones...

The two young brothers watched through a keyhole as their
older sister got in on with her boyfriend.
"Oh, Jim," she moaned. "You're about to go where no man has
gone before!"
One brother looked at the other and snickered. "Well then I
guess he's gonna screw her in the ass."
_________________________________________________

When I asked her to the prom, she just looked at me, giggled
and smiled.
When I asked her to dance, she just looked at me, giggled and
smiled.
When I asked her to kiss me, she just looked at me, giggled
and smiled.
When I asked her to make love to me, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
When I asked her to move in with me, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
When I asked for her hand in marriage, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
When I asked her to bear my children, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.

That's when I realized, she was a retard.

guit_ar_tist · « **Reply #71 on:** September 22, 2008, 11:35:44 PM »

The first one is good.

Second one is hilarious lol

Shippo · « **Reply #72 on:** September 23, 2008, 05:31:12 PM »

nice one fuego

Glox · « **Reply #73 on:** September 23, 2008, 08:46:32 PM »

Lmao!!

Ban Em All · « **Reply #74 on:** September 24, 2008, 04:52:18 PM »

LOLERS