KEAGaming
Community Talk => General Talk => Topic started by: Dr. Del Fuego on July 24, 2008, 09:35:58 AM
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A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two
plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a
hole in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 bill
comes flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a
policeman stops her.
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Damn!" says the little old lady, "I'd better go back and see
if I can gather up some of them. Thanks!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "Where did you get
that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my yard backs
up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time
there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes
right into my flower beds! So, I stand behind the bushes
with a big hedge clipper and each time some guy sticks his
dick through the bushes, I say; '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Hey not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Ok, good luck! By
the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up."
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that was pretty good, keep em coming
what time are you on comedy central?
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Nice ;D
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A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two
plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a
hole in one of the bags and every once in a while a $20 bill
comes flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a
policeman stops her.
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Damn!" says the little old lady, "I'd better go back and see
if I can gather up some of them. Thanks!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "Where did you get
that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my yard backs
up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time
there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes
right into my flower beds! So, I stand behind the bushes
with a big hedge clipper and each time some guy sticks his
dick through the bushes, I say; '$20 or off it comes!'"
"Hey not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Ok, good luck! By
the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up."
haha... awesome :D
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A woman and her daughter go to the store to get the daughter a Barbie. At the store, the daughter asks the lady working at the store if Barbie comes with Ken.
She replies, "Oh no, Barbie only cums with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken."
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teehee, short and sweet, that aint bad
i think im gonna make a joke forum
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Here's 2 for the weekend!!
The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad
steroids to help them out a bit. The team's performance
soars. They win the county and state championships and are
favored to win the national competition easily.
Penelope, a sixteen year old hurdler visits her coach and
says, "Coach, I have a problem. I'm starting to grow hair
where I never had it before."
"What?" the coach says in a panic, "Where are you growing
hair?"
She replies, "On my balls."
__________________________________________________________________
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a monastery
and requests shelter there.
Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated
to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted.
After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She was met by two of the Brothers.
The first one says, "Hello, I am brother Michael, and this
is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased to meet you," replies the nun. "I just
wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and
chips were the best I've ever had. Out of curiosity, who
cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turned to the other Brother and says "then you must
be....?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk."
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Here's 2 for the weekend!!
The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad
steroids to help them out a bit. The team's performance
soars. They win the county and state championships and are
favored to win the national competition easily.
Penelope, a sixteen year old hurdler visits her coach and
says, "Coach, I have a problem. I'm starting to grow hair
where I never had it before."
"What?" the coach says in a panic, "Where are you growing
hair?"
She replies, "On my balls."
__________________________________________________________________
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a monastery
and requests shelter there.
Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated
to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted.
After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She was met by two of the Brothers.
The first one says, "Hello, I am brother Michael, and this
is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased to meet you," replies the nun. "I just
wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and
chips were the best I've ever had. Out of curiosity, who
cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turned to the other Brother and says "then you must
be....?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk."
I think the first one was better.
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the first one was better, but the second one was good to, very nice job ladies
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A woman and her daughter go to the store to get the daughter a Barbie. At the store, the daughter asks the lady working at the store if Barbie comes with Ken.
She replies, "Oh no, Barbie only cums with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken."
lol
Here's 2 for the weekend!!
The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad
steroids to help them out a bit. The team's performance
soars. They win the county and state championships and are
favored to win the national competition easily.
Penelope, a sixteen year old hurdler visits her coach and
says, "Coach, I have a problem. I'm starting to grow hair
where I never had it before."
"What?" the coach says in a panic, "Where are you growing
hair?"
She replies, "On my balls."
__________________________________________________________________
Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a monastery
and requests shelter there.
Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated
to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted.
After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs.
She was met by two of the Brothers.
The first one says, "Hello, I am brother Michael, and this
is Brother Charles."
"I'm very pleased to meet you," replies the nun. "I just
wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and
chips were the best I've ever had. Out of curiosity, who
cooked what?"
Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."
She turned to the other Brother and says "then you must
be....?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk."
lol.... yeah first one was better but second one was still good :)
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joke post men will com
VIVRE LE QUEBEC LIBRE TABARNAKE 8)
what? lol
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lol, thats what i thought.
here is my joke
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of
yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration,
takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking
the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an
hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
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im sorry for a double post, buy my friend just sent me this one right after i posted my last one
A man and a woman who never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both went to sleep -- the man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower one.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over, gently wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold, and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and give me another blanket?"
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I have a better idea. Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
The woman happily says, "Okay, that sounds great."
So the man says, "Good. Get your own f***ing blanket."
heres another one
Wanted
An actual ad in the London Times.
WANTED
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1,3 and 5
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is it just me, i dont get it, whats so important about the jackets?
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lol, thats what i thought.
here is my joke
The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of
yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration,
takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking
the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an
hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
Stupid blondes... :P
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im sorry for a double post, buy my friend just sent me this one right after i posted my last one
A man and a woman who never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both went to sleep -- the man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower one.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over, gently wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold, and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and give me another blanket?"
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I have a better idea. Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
The woman happily says, "Okay, that sounds great."
So the man says, "Good. Get your own f***ing blanket."
heres another one
Wanted
An actual ad in the London Times.
WANTED
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1,3 and 5
Haha, get your own blanket. Good one. And the ad one is hiliarious :)
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2 guy decid to push a building ,so their put their jackets on the ground and start pusching the building,a bit later a thief pass and stole the jackets, then few hours later,one guy said: we have push the building ! the oute guy ask: how do you no? our jacket are not there !
:) ;D
gramma are bad so try to do it the best
Man... I don't get this one at all. Please explain :-*
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the 2 guy thinck the have push the bulding beacau thei cannot see their jackets
sorry french joke i try to translate it
Push the building as if it would topple over or just push it horizontally? ( i don't think that matters but whatever)
Still don't get it lol
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i think i get it, when they push a buildiing, they covered their jackets, right?
btw, i heard of double posts, but triple posts, only guitartist can push the limits :P
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i think i get it, when they push a buildiing, they covered their jackets, right?
btw, i heard of double posts, but triple posts, only guitartist can push the limits :P
I don't see how pushing a building would cover their jackets.
And I only triple posted because then I would of had a super long post lol
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ahhh french jokes... all french no joke.. lol
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im sorry for a double post, buy my friend just sent me this one right after i posted my last one
A man and a woman who never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both went to sleep -- the man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower one.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over, gently wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold, and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and give me another blanket?"
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I have a better idea. Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
The woman happily says, "Okay, that sounds great."
So the man says, "Good. Get your own f***ing blanket."
heres another one
Wanted
An actual ad in the London Times.
WANTED
A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1,3 and 5
Wow "wanted" was a good one
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ahhh french jokes... all french no joke.. lol
agree
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A guy came home from work, "Honey, where are you?"
"I'm upstairs douching," his wife answered.
"I told you never to talk like that!" he yelled.
"What do you want," she replied, "good grammar or good
taste?"
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As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the notes?", to his wife which replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."
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ahhh french jokes... all french no joke.. lol
agree
lolA guy came home from work, "Honey, where are you?"
"I'm upstairs douching," his wife answered.
"I told you never to talk like that!" he yelled.
"What do you want," she replied, "good grammar or good
taste?"
:D
As a painless way to save money, a young couple arranged that every time they have sex the husband puts his pocket change into a china piggy bank on the bedside table. One night while being unusually athletic, he accidentally knocked the piggy bank onto the floor where it smashes.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the notes?", to his wife which replies, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."
;D
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that is great fury, well done
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i think i get it, when they push a buildiing, they covered their jackets, right?
btw, i heard of double posts, but triple posts, only guitartist can push the limits :P
I don't see how pushing a building would cover their jackets.
And I only triple posted because then I would of had a super long post lol
i think what worp is trying to say is, the jackets are used as a point of reference from where they started, so after a few hours, they look down and there jackets aren't there, so to them, they have moved the building.
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Ah. If that's the case, I understand. Funny how we went through all this trouble to decipher what worp was trying to say lol
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i think i get it, when they push a buildiing, they covered their jackets, right?
btw, i heard of double posts, but triple posts, only guitartist can push the limits :P
I don't see how pushing a building would cover their jackets.
And I only triple posted because then I would of had a super long post lol
i think what worp is trying to say is, the jackets are used as a point of reference from where they started, so after a few hours, they look down and there jackets aren't there, so to them, they have moved the building.
only worp's twisted sense of humor could come up with something like that.GENIUS.
keep it up worp!
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wow, its sad of how simple something could be, but yet, we still dont get it
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wow, its sad of how simple something could be, but yet, we still dont get it
haha... yeah
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haha worp.. hahah... now i get ur joke :S
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why did the chicken cross the road
To get to the other side
why did the horse cross the road
cos its dick was in the chickens ass
I made that up ;D
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ok 3 guy Ramsy,Fury,Ban En All, died and go to haeven then the meet jesus,1of them ask what the clock for ? jesus said: thas is the nuber of time you mastuber your seld in 1 day.The first clock is Ramsy ..1,2,3,4, Four time in one day,The secound is Fury...1,2,3,4,5,6,7 seven time in one day.Then Ban En All ask where is mine? jesus said: is in mine room i use it as a ventilator
;D
I almost didn't get that one lol... It spins so fast it's like a fan ;D
why did the chicken cross the road
To get to the other side
why did the horse cross the road
cos its dick was in the chickens ass
I made that up ;D
Haha... nice ;)
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3 million years later me joke was understand ;)
now new joke
ok 3 guy Ramsy,Fury,Ban En All, died and go to haeven then the meet jesus,1of them ask what the clock for ? jesus said: thas is the nuber of time you mastuber your seld in 1 day.The first clock is Ramsy ..1,2,3,4, Four time in one day,The secound is Fury...1,2,3,4,5,6,7 seven time in one day.Then Ban En All ask where is mine? jesus said: is in mine room i use it as a ventilator
;D
its all those times jacking off into my gf's mouth, and i found a flaw in that joke worp, i dont think ramsey is going to heaven, and if he does, im pretty sure jesus isnt in any rush to meet him
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its all those times jacking off into my gf's mouth, and i found a flaw in that joke worp, i dont think ramsey is going to heaven, and if he does, im pretty sure jesus isnt in any rush to meet him
hahahahahaha :D ;D :o :P :)
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3 million years later me joke was understand ;)
now new joke
ok 3 guy Ramsy,Fury,Ban En All, died and go to haeven then the meet jesus,1of them ask what the clock for ? jesus said: thas is the nuber of time you mastuber your seld in 1 day.The first clock is Ramsy ..1,2,3,4, Four time in one day,The secound is Fury...1,2,3,4,5,6,7 seven time in one day.Then Ban En All ask where is mine? jesus said: is in mine room i use it as a ventilator
;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"its all those times jacking off into my gf's mouth, and i found a flaw in that joke worp, i dont think ramsey is going to heaven, and if he does, im pretty sure jesus isnt in any rush to meet him" <---Hebrews dont believe in GOD..therefore, no heaven for ramsey
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3 million years later me joke was understand ;)
now new joke
ok 3 guy Ramsy,Fury,Ban En All, died and go to haeven then the meet jesus,1of them ask what the clock for ? jesus said: thas is the nuber of time you mastuber your seld in 1 day.The first clock is Ramsy ..1,2,3,4, Four time in one day,The secound is Fury...1,2,3,4,5,6,7 seven time in one day.Then Ban En All ask where is mine? jesus said: is in mine room i use it as a ventilator
;D
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"its all those times jacking off into my gf's mouth, and i found a flaw in that joke worp, i dont think ramsey is going to heaven, and if he does, im pretty sure jesus isnt in any rush to meet him" <---Hebrews dont believe in GOD..therefore, no heaven for ramsey
uh, ok
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Hebrews dont believe in GOD..therefore, no heaven for ramsey
lol
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wow.. now we know what ban does in his free time.. he's practically a toothpaste factory..
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wow.. now we know what ban does in his free time.. he's practically a toothpaste factory..
:o ;D
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wow.. now we know what ban does in his free time.. he's practically a toothpaste factory..
you want some?
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wow.. now we know what ban does in his free time.. he's practically a toothpaste factory..
you want some?
bottle that shit and sell it to a sperm bank..you get paid double if ur white.. :D
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teehee, guess we can count out ding. in the medical records after ding's name, they have "?" ;)
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my sperm is so strong it makes the womans pregnancy lasts only 4 months before the baby shoots its way out with an mp44... thats why they have the ???? after my name..
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my sperm is so strong it makes the womans pregnancy lasts only 4 months before the baby shoots its way out with an mp44... thats why they have the ???? after my name..
hahhahaaha, nice come back
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It was a hot day in Minnesota . Helga hung out the wash
to dry, put a roast in the oven, and then went
downtown to pick up some dry cleaning.
"Gootness, it's hotter Dan hell today," she mused to
herself as she walked down Main Street .
She passed a tavern and thought , "Vy nodt?" She walked in and took a
seat at the bar.The bartender walked up and asked her what she would
like to drink. "Ya know," Helga said, "it is
zo hot, I tink I'll have myself a cold beer".
"Anheuser Busch?" the bartender asked.
Helga blushed and replied, "Vell fine, tanks, und
how's yur viener?" :P :P
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TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY?" SELF EXAMINATION
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach,
you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer
with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time
doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is
like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses
its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how
you call a dog... "Killer, come here! Now think about how
you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jezus,
you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or
any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A
straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw
oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything
else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably
a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss
in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship.
A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates
where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you pro-
bably like a high hard one in the pooper chuter. A straight
man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If
you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man
there, too.
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or
four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie,
you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man
doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a
"fressier" is, you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of
textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you
are dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands
on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the ass-
hole off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change
the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, scratch
his balls, or play with his broad's tits.
-
Nice one fuego.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is
like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses
its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how
you call a dog... "Killer, come here! Now think about how
you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jezus,
you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
Damn, I am a homo then I guess :( and I have two cats :o
-
Nice one fuego.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is
like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses
its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how
you call a dog... "Killer, come here! Now think about how
you call a cat... "Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jezus,
you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
Damn, I am a homo then I guess :( and I have two cats :o
uh oh :o
luckly, i dont fit in any of those yayyyyyyy 8)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icXFDb1Nqvk&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icXFDb1Nqvk&feature=related)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icXFDb1Nqvk&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icXFDb1Nqvk&feature=related)
nice one.... but what was funnier? the plot or the bad acting?
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i like the bad acting ;)
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i dont fit in anything! haha.. infact i have 2 dogs..
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3 good ones! (I Hope)
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other
day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights
we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she
asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little
of that magic.
"Wow!" I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you
now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw
me."
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a
waistband that's a few inches wider these days."
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me,
saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute.
"Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself," she giggled.
So I told her to fuck off.
Q. How can you tell when a woman is really hot for you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like
you're feeding a horse.
Because he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly,
widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to
enjoy it with.
Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty
took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said
walking up to her, "but in a little while, my father will die
and I'll inherit 20 million dollars. I would like to have
someone to share it with. Will you come home with me?"
The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became
his stepmother.
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Nice ones fuego :) ;D
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all three are very good, you never fail to make me laugh
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of the two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple first and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor.
The padsor went to the middle-aged couple and asked the same question. The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yes, we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.
The pastor then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of paint on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor. "We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."
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"We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore either."
LOL!!!!
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DATING RITUALS OF THE WORLD
WHITE WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary
position.
IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMEN
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti
and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists
on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the
thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
JEWISH WOMEN
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head
again.
CHINESE WOMEN
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing
happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing
happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already
realized nothing is going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
BLACK WOMEN
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real
expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on
Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father,
his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids,
her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins,
her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in ... and you
live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home
that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio
Grande.
The POINT?
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?
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DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IRISH WOMEN?
I would have to agree with that with the these options lol
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thats good
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Couple more...
A man and woman were having marital problems so they went
to see a marriage counselor.
The counselor, in an attempt to find some common ground
from which to begin his analysis said, "Tell me about any-
thing the two of you have in common."
The husband spoke up and said, "Well, neither one of us
sucks dicks."
A monk who's been sheltered all of his life in a monestary
has to travel to the big city to meet his friend, a Catholic
nun.
On the streets of the city, he encounters a prostitute who
says: "Blowjob? Five dollars?"
"No, thank you!" the monk says, blushing.
He moves on to the next street corner and another hooker asks
him, "Blowjob? Five dollars?"
He hurriedly rushes down the streets but on each corner
there's a woman asking if he wants a blowjob. By the time he
reaches the convent, he's very upset.
He asks his friend the nun, "Sister, what's a "blowjob?"
She says, "Five dollars."
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"Sister, what's a "blowjob?" She says, "Five dollars."
hahhaaa thats good
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Glad you guys like these jokes. Here's a couple more...
Q: What do a fur trapper and a necrophiliac have in common?
A: They are both looking for dead beaver.
A young couple get married. As the husband is an avid golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend
more time with him. Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons.
The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls and practice until he was through with his present client.
"But I don't even know how to hold the clubs" The pro says, "Just hold it like you would your husband's penis."
Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to see the woman driving the ball a fair distance. He says,
"Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth."
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Glad you guys like these jokes. Here's a couple more...
Q: What do a fur trapper and a necrophiliac have in common?
A: They are both looking for dead beaver.
A young couple get married. As the husband is an avid golfer, the wife decides to take up golf so she can spend
more time with him. Knowing nothing about it, she goes to the pro for lessons.
The pro was busy and advised her to get a bucket of balls and practice until he was through with his present client.
"But I don't even know how to hold the clubs" The pro says, "Just hold it like you would your husband's penis."
Some time later, the pro approaches the driving range to see the woman driving the ball a fair distance. He says,
"Not bad, but lets take the club out of your mouth."
HAHA.. keep 'em coming lol
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i know its prolly just me, but i didnt get the first one, but the second one was good
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i know its prolly just me, but i didnt get the first one, but the second one was good
for necrophiliac, dead beaver means "dead pussy"
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ohhhhhhh, lol
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ohhhhhhh, lol
lol... glad you got it now :P
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2 good ones... ;D
The two young brothers watched through a keyhole as their
older sister got in on with her boyfriend.
"Oh, Jim," she moaned. "You're about to go where no man has
gone before!"
One brother looked at the other and snickered. "Well then I
guess he's gonna screw her in the ass."
_________________________________________________
When I asked her to the prom, she just looked at me, giggled
and smiled.
When I asked her to dance, she just looked at me, giggled and
smiled.
When I asked her to kiss me, she just looked at me, giggled
and smiled.
When I asked her to make love to me, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
When I asked her to move in with me, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
When I asked for her hand in marriage, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
When I asked her to bear my children, she just looked at me,
giggled and smiled.
That's when I realized, she was a retard.
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The first one is good.
Second one is hilarious lol
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nice one fuego
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Lmao!!
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LOLERS
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A bunch some good, some OK.
Del..
I was talking to a friend of mine, and he told me that he's
been married a little over four years. He told me he was
celebrating his 'Wooden' anniversary.
I asked what a 'wooden' anniversary was.
He said, "I asked her to give me a blow job and she wooden."
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a
posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they in-
dulge in partner-swapping as a trial.
After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned
to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex
I had in years! I wonder how the girls are doing?"
A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day
discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes
the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the
Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced
mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the
Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he
thinks will end the discussion.
With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians
who introduced it to women!"
"In my case," said the student to the sex researcher, "when
I get it part way in, my vision blurs. And when it's all
the way in, I can't see a thing."
"Now, that's a most interesting optical reaction. It may
have physiological as well as psychological basis," the
researcher replied. "If you don't mind young man, I should
like to have a look at it."
So the student volunteer shrugged and stuck out his tongue.
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hahaa, you never disappoint me fuego. my favs were teh second and third ones in that one. lol, very nice
John invited his mother to dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between John & his roommate, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more going on between John and his roommate than what met the eye. Reading his mothers thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie went to John and said. "Ever since your mother came for dinner I have been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter."
Dear Mother,
I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take the ladle, but the fact remains that it has been missing since you came to dinner.
John
Several days later John received a letter from his mother:
Dear John,
I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie, but the fact remains that is she were to sleep in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now
Love, MOM
im not sure, i thought his was decently funny. its one of those jokes where it gives you a chuckle.
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what do you say to a women with 2 black eyes, nothing, she's been spoken to twice.
close the the thread.
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what do you say to a women with 2 black eyes, nothing, she's been spoken to twice.
close the the thread.
i dont get it?
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Sloppy beats women D=
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what do you say to a women with 2 black eyes, nothing, she's been spoken to twice.
close the the thread.
i dont get it?
i said close the thread cause no joke can get as good as that one.
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what do you say to a women with 2 black eyes, nothing, she's been spoken to twice.
close the the thread.
i dont get it?
i said close the thread cause no joke can get as good as that one.
oh, i was reading it as black eyes as in the color, lol, i get it now
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report sloppy to the sex crimes unit!
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report sloppy to the sex crimes unit!
ha
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oh, i was reading it as black eyes as in the color, lol, i get it now
You read it the right way the first time. Idiot.
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oh, i was reading it as black eyes as in the color, lol, i get it now
You read it the right way the first time. Idiot.
screw the joke, im so confused now!
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Sloppy beats women. What is there to be confused about?
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Sloppy beats women. What is there to be confused about?
not yorus, sloppies
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Sloppy beats women. What is there to be confused about?
not yorus, sloppies
that was the joke, what do you say to a women with 2 black eyes? nothing she's been spoken to twice. it means you use your fists to speak with women.
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Sloppy beats women. What is there to be confused about?
not yorus, sloppies
that was the joke, what do you say to a women with 2 black eyes? nothing she's been spoken to twice. it means you use your fists to speak with women.
oh, well i realize that now. it was the other people that were confusing me. lets just move on to a new joke. fuego, we need another one. while we wait for fuego's new one, heres one.
Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johnny?"
"Well, my goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up,"and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied... "That's because he's inside your cat."
again, just another chuckle joke.
one more,
(http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i259/progaffer/zqcyx31189043368.jpg)
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Post your most funniest jokes here. We all want a laugh in our lives :D
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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we all ready have a topic like this.
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Why is it good to have a 100$ bill tattooed on you PENIS?
1. You always have CASH in your hand
2. You can give it to your wife to use it
3. You get happy when you see it how it grows
4. It's a sure way to pay a hooker
5. And when somebody asks you for some money, you kindly say: here's my DICK!
Enjoy ;D